Families: source of despotism or bulwark of liberty?
In all societies, strong families are the foundation of civil liberties and personal happiness.
In this highly readable book, Allan Carlson, founder of the US-based Howard Center for Family, Religion and Society, and Paul Mero, president of the Sutherland Institute, seek to explain what has caused the disruption of the family as an institution over the past half century. They highlight the substantial body of empirical evidence in support of the natural family, show that societies that reject the concept of the family as their basic social unit are not viable and outline various reforms that could help restore a sound family culture.
The key concept of this book is drawn from Article 16 of the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which states that “the family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the state”. The authors define the “natural family” as “the fundamental social unit, inscribed in human nature, and centered around the voluntary action of a man and a woman in a lifelong covenant of marriage for the purposes of satisfying the longings of the human heart to give and receive love, welcoming and ensuring the full physical and emotional development of children.” Such a definition, they emphasize, far from being a uniquely religious or Western concept, cuts across all cultures. There is no discord in what the Bible and science say about the family. The findings of modern anthropology sustain the notion of marriage as “an unchanging institution, universal in its basic elements and common to all humanity”. Cultural variations relating to marriage are but details around “a constant human model”.
The findings of modern anthropology sustain the notion of marriage as “an unchanging institution, universal in its basic elements and common to all humanity”. Cultural variations relating to marriage are but details around “a constant human model”.
This view of the family is also consistent with an important, albeit dissenting, school of sociology, inaugurated by the 19th century French academic Frederic Le Play and developed by 20th century American sociologists such as Carle Zimmerman, Pitirim Sorokin and Robert Nisbet. The latter in particular understood the family as “the real molecule of society, the key link of the social chain of being”. In his own words, it is “inconceivable… that either intellectual growth or social order or the roots of liberty can possibly be maintained among a people unless the kinship tie is strong and has both functional significance and symbolic authority”. Thus, by keeping in check the growth of the State, the natural family acts as a “bulwark of liberty”.
In explaining the current crisis in family life, Carlson and Mero try to go beyond the usual explanations based on serial divorce, gay marriage or the refusal to procreate, and emphasize instead what they call “the loss of a generally shared vision… of what the family is”. The loss of vision resulted largely from the emergence of a liberal worldview where the family is seen as “an agent of repression, fear, and adherence to a stifling past”. At its root, this worldview rests on the self conceived as an atomized individual. From the 17th century onwards, philosophers such as Thomas Hobbes, John Locke, John Stuart Mill and, more recently, Arthur Calhoun and John Rawls, have disparaged the family, portraying it essentially as “a struggle between one individual and another for advantage”. Philosophers advocating a collectivist view of man, such as Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Frederick Engels and Karl Marx, also viewed the family as oppressive and sought to have its responsibilities transferred to the State. The success of this increasingly common view is due in part to the rigorous demands that family life imposes. Unless one is brought up in a familial culture, the temptation to flee the burdens of home and family can become almost irresistible.
Industrialization has also played a role in the weakening of the family. The family household was the center of productive labor prior to the industrial revolution, but it has now ceased to be so, its economic activity having been gradually taken over by centralized factories, warehouses and offices. This process “destroyed the ancient unity of home and work, the natural ecology of the family, which had prevailed for hundreds of generations”.
Yet, throughout the first half of the 20th century, attempts were made to defend the natural family from the negative pressures of modernization. Both in Europe and North America, governments developed family policies aimed at protecting marriage and supporting families with children. In European countries and in Canada, the favored approach was “family allowances”. The US for its part adopted a policy of “child welfare” inspired by so-called “maternalist” reformers such as Josephine Baker and Florence Kelly. In post-war years, these initiatives led to a significant rise in marriage and fertility rates, as well as to a drop in divorce rates. However, the “family model” that informed government policies throughout this period – the breadwinner-homemaker-child-rich family sustained by a “family wage” – was soon challenged by a new model advocated by the likes of Swedish feminist theorist Alva Myrdal, who described “traditional family” as an “abnormal situation for a child” and sought “a new parenthood” more fitting to “the evolution toward a rationalization of human life” (her words). Such views quickly led to a broad intellectual assault against marriage and the family that culminated in “no-fault” divorce laws, decriminalization of abortion, day care subsidies, replacement of pro-family tax regimes by individualized taxation and, more recently, legalization of same-sex marriage.
The consequences of this evolution are now well documented. In all Western countries, marriage rates are in decline, cohabitation rates keep rising and fertility rates do not allow for the renewal of existing generations. As a result, the average age is climbing rapidly and the ratio of working-age population to total population is decreasing to the point where the future of social security systems appears to be in jeopardy. The book provides a wealth of data indicating that these trends have serious consequences for the happiness and welfare of men, women and children. For example, the notion that women are safest physically when married and living with their husbands is firmly supported by empirical research. There is similar evidence concerning the health and intellectual and emotional development of children. In short, the idea that the natural family provides the optimal environment for the healthy development of both children and adults is widely confirmed by social science research. Put another way, nothing contradicts the policy prescriptions of feminists, gay activists and advocates of easy divorce more than the findings of social scientists. In this regard, it should be noted that the review of the social science literature on the family offered here is alone enough to make the purchase of the book worthwhile.
To help understand why the natural family is the fundamental unit of society and produces the most desirable outcomes, Carlson and Mero devote an entire chapter to a study of alternative social models. More specifically, they sketch what a society would be like if, instead of the natural family, its fundamental unit were the individual, the church, the corporation or the state. Perhaps the most interesting part of that chapter is the one devoted to a society based on individual interest, ie, the libertarian model. What it describes is, of course, something much akin to the world we currently live in, a world where people are “socially isolated”, “culturally narcissistic” and “politically utilitarian”.
As might be expected, the last chapter of the book sets out various policies designed to strengthen the natural family. The authors recommend measures aimed at encouraging home-based work and businesses, home schooling and home-based care for the elderly. They also recommend a reintroduction of “fault” in divorce laws and generous exemptions or credits for children and “stay-home mums” in income tax laws.
This book represents a major contribution to the debate on the family in that it provides a sound analytical framework for the development of family policies. Perhaps its strongest point is that, unlike many studies that emphasize a purely sociological or empirical approach, it attempts to come to grips with some of the more metaphysical issues underlying relations between the individual, the family and the State. Given the culture wars currently raging in all Western countries, we can perhaps do, relatively speaking, with a little less sociology and a little more philosophy. More specifically, we must try to understand more clearly why the natural family model is consonant with human nature and why the idea of human nature from which it derives is so strenuously challenged by the two most powerful contemporary cultural forces - the media and academia. The latter consistently assume that natural differences between men and women are mere “cultural constructs”. More generally, they deny the very legitimacy of the concept of human nature and affirm that “everything is culture”. This is a key factor that cannot be ignored: if people are constantly urged to deny that men and women are different by nature, any attempt to present feminine and masculine family roles as naturally complementary is bound to be perceived as a patriarchal plot to subjugate women.
As Carlson and Mero would readily admit, Western societies will not be returned to the concept of the natural family by a mere set of policy reforms, as good as these might be. Only something akin to a paradigm shift – a transformation of souls – can render such a model acceptable. Given that, largely as a result of the sexual revolution, Christianity no longer carries much moral authority, one wonders how such a transformation might be achieved. This is perhaps the one question that the authors might have engaged more forcefully.
Richard Bastien is a writer and regular contributor to Égards, a French-language Canadian quarterly journal.



Are you being deliberately obtuse? Gay means someone who has romantic feelings for someone of the same gender. I had girlfriends before puberty. The way I felt toward them was very different from any affection I may have had for anyone of my gender. If a child has the kind of feelings I had for girls, but toward someone who is of the same gender that they are, then that’s what’s called being gay. By recognizing the similarity, I am empathizing. I’m walking in their shoes.
How do you define being gay? More to the point of this discussion, how do define empathy?
Jim said: "I will ask one last time:"
Jim, it sounds to me as if you're getting ready to blink.
Most of what you have called answers have been for me dodges of my questions used to propagandize gay marriage or some other liberal agenda.
This strikes me as just sophomoric. Like trying to establish basic rules of behavior with a teenager whose favorite comeback is “you didn’t say I couldn’t do that”. One is left rather exacerbated at having to continually redefine the rule to cover each new perception of the rule. So why do I use the analogy? David wrote: “Ask me a direct question unencumbered by assumptions.” This despite the fact that I went out of my way to ask for clarification and or definition of terms or words that you used. Only to be told “That doesn’t feel right or I don’t like the way the terms are used/defined.” I personally don’t care if it feels right or if you don’t like the terms. Even when you were the one to first use the term and I unwittingly thought to ask for clarification rather than making an assumption of what you might mean by the term. An example, and this might be the “direct question” that I will ask one last time: from my comment Friday Nov 30, 11:51 am.
“So, what does it mean to say that “Some kids know they’re gay”?
Again, “kids” for me are pre-pubescent children and gay is a term I tried to define or ask for clarification of previously. Not to belabor my point, but ... could you do me the favor of telling me what the word “gay” means when you use it?
A loaded question is simply a direct question that perhaps you wouldn't ask in polite conversation because it has no place in small talk.
Jim said: "I’m chagrined that you have chosen not to engage or even to defend your position"
I have answered your questions. Show me where I haven't. Ask me a direct question unencumbered by assumptions. Try a 'loaded' one. Surprise me.
I have tried over the last 10 days or so to engage, or discuss with you comments you have made. Starting with:
“It’s difficult to debate with Christians because I can’t figure out what they actually believe.”
Several times I have asked for clarification of words or ideas you presented. I have offered definitions of terms in the hope of clarification. I have answered your “loaded” questions. It would seem to no avail. I’m chagrined that you have chosen not to engage or even to defend your position(s). Alas, whilst I go chasing after mythical ideas like “gay children” as the evidence offered has all the weight of a gnat buzzing in my ear.
So, yes I guess you are right, but you would be better off if you could honestly ask yourself why … ”It’s difficult to debate with Christians because I can’t figure out what they actually believe. “
I mean the growing awareness of the world and other people. A fertilized egg has no consciousness but a child of five does.
Jim said: “You must be pulling my leg on this one … "in charge of" ... “subordinate ‘her’ free will” I think you profoundly misunderstand what I wrote?”
I don’t think so. You said you were the final arbiter in your marriage. That means you are in charge. Your wife must, then, live with the knowledge she can always be overruled. You may not do it often, but you retain the right to do it. I think this also goes to the heart of the gay marriage debate. In a same sex marriage, who would be in charge? In this sense, gay marriage certainly is a threat to ‘traditional’ marriage.
Jim said: “Really? Visualize, Jim takes a deep breath and checks web site to be sure he is in the right place.” In reference to my remark about him worrying to much about homosexual sex. Huh?? I didn’t accuse you of being gay. I think that, by concentrating just on the sex part, conservative Christians can avoid accepting that two men or two women can fall in love with each other.
Jim said: “Speaking from a man's point of view; what pre-pubescent boy has not had an attraction to a male movie star, sports hero, older brother, father, etc.?”
Me, for one. There were men I admired, though, admittedly not many, but I didn’t want to cuddle them. Girls were different. I don’t see the cause for confusion here.
What do you mean by “coming to consciousness” … like age of reason, self-actualization, being at one with, or …?
David said: “I disagree that, in a personal relationship between two adults, one should be in charge of the other. It would require one person to subordinate ‘her’ free will to the will of another. It doesn’t feel right.”
You must be pulling my leg on this one … "in charge of" ... “subordinate ‘her’ free will” I think you profoundly misunderstand what I wrote?
“You concentrate to much on homosexual sex.”
Really? Visualize, Jim takes a deep breath and checks website to be sure he is in the right place. In a previous comment you said “I never accused you of being stupid” … I’m having second thoughts.
Let me assume that by “gay children” you are referring to children who have a same sex “attraction”. Speaking form a man's point of view; what pre-pubescent boy has not had an attraction to a male movie star, sports hero, older brother, father, etc.? Does that make them homosexual? I suspect that you are referring to “something” more. What might that something more be?
“Some kids know they’re gay when they’re six years old.”
What does that word “know” mean to a six year old? In my personal experience I have never heard, or heard of, a child describing themselves as heterosexual, homosexual, gay, or ??? I don’t think that is in their “normal” development to even think of, or much less articulate, at that age. So, what does it mean to say that “Some kids know they’re gay”?
I’m not sure. Maybe my question wasn’t precise enough. I think that coming to consciousness in a religious tradition muddies the waters. When you decide whether or not you believe in God he has already been described and defined for you. For me the leap would be from believing the Universe has an extra-natural component to accepting the Bible as the infallible description of that Extra-natural component. It wouldn’t be a leap for you because you are expressing a belief in the God described in the book. I was imposing my thought sequences, in reverse order, on you. I stopped believing in the Bible and the Catholic Church before I stopped believing in the Christian god. I was twelve or thirteen, I wasn't that sophisticated.
Jim said: "For the non-believer I would think that the “leap” is to belief in God and what one thinks about the Bible comes later."
If by God you mean the god of the Bible, then the leap would be to the whole package. Otherwise how would you define the god you've decided to believe in?
I disagree that, in a personal relationship between two adults, one should be in charge of the other. It would require one person to subordinate ‘her’ free will to the will of another. It doesn’t feel right.
Jim said: “I’m accustomed to conclusion with supporting evidence or evidence then conclusion(s). For your rhetorical question I would have postulated all variety of other reasons as well.”
OK....OK.
Jim said: “By way of defining terms, or at least how I understand them, and you can correct me if I misunderstand; … same sex attraction is “homosexual” while acting out same sex attraction is referred to as “gay” or “living the homosexual lifestyle”. I understand children to mean pre-pubescent boys and girls. This is my understanding of the definition of these terms/words. If you use them differently please explain. So, when I read “gay children” I think homosexually active pre-pubescent child. Are you suggesting that this phenomenon is, or would be, moral and/or normal?”
You concentrate to much on homosexual sex. I think it’s more about who you fall in love with. I had my first crush on a girl when I was six years old. Sex had nothing to do with it. Did you think about sex before puberty? Some kids know they’re gay when they’re six years old. They may not be able to articulate it, but they know who they have a crush on. What word would suit you? I use homosexual and gay interchangeably. I’m not crazy about either word.
“Women have the ability now to walk away from bad marriages. Why else would the divorce rate be so high? It's not because of gay marriage or the decline of moral values.”
“The first sentence is the conclusion, the second is rhetorical, and the third is opinion and unnecessary to the conclusion.”
That explains my confusion. I’m accustomed to conclusion with supporting evidence or evidence then conclusion(s). For your rhetorical question I would have postulated all variety of other reasons as well.
“Moral values are a more difficult question. … What horrible damage is done to gay children who are openly called immoral or defective in this time.”
By way of defining terms, or at least how I understand them, and you can correct me if I misunderstand; … same sex attraction is “homosexual” while acting out same sex attraction is referred to as “gay” or “living the homosexual lifestyle”. I understand children to mean pre-pubescent boys and girls. This is my understanding of the definition of these terms/words. If you use them differently please explain. So, when I read “gay children” I think homosexually active pre-pubescent child. Are you suggesting that this phenomenon is, or would be, moral and/or normal?
“Do you think that the leap from belief in God to the belief that the Bible is the unfiltered word of God is a Non sequitur?”
I’ve not seen a question quite like this before. It’s sort of like … well … “Like trying to tell a stranger about rock and roll” … with this reference I offer my apologies to anyone outside the US and/or who didn’t grow up in the 60s.
My answer … I would think that for ALL who profess a belief in God, whether they be Muslim, Jew or Christian the answer is No. For the non-believer I would think that the “leap” is to belief in God and what one thinks about the Bible comes later. Does that help at all?
“I never accused you of being stupid. I commend you for answering directly. Most conservative Christians fall all over themselves answering that question when they're not talking to the converted. I profoundly disagree with you because of my perception of the nature of consciousness and because it doesn't feel right to me. It's a subject I was getting into with Fr. Gearhart before I insulted him.”
Which part of my answer did you “profoundly disagree with” or “doesn’t feel right” to you?
“You said your best friend lived in the 'gay lifestyle'. Did you mean that as a pejorative?”
No, just a statement of fact.
“Did he have a life partner?”
No.
“If not then how would you feel about a straight man who chose not to marry and just 'played the field'?”
I’d have to use my imagination quite some to get my arms around –just ‘played the field’, but I think I’d feel sorry for him because he missed the main event.
“Is that equally wrong in your eyes?”
I feel like I’m reading between the lines here, better yet like I’m out on a limb and you have the saw, but my answer is definitely yes.
The first sentence is the conclusion, the second is rhetorical, and the third is opinion and unnecessary to the conclusion. The options women now have are certainly the primary cause of the rise in the rate of divorce.The rise in divorces began long before gay marriage was on anyone's horizon. Moral values are a more difficult question. Certainly selfishness is a factor in some divorces. especially when children are involved. Divorce is hell on kids. Sometimes marriage is also hell on kids. I have mentioned before that, in my Irish Catholic neighborhood, nearly everyone's father was a functional alcoholic. Children were rarely anyone's first consideration. When I first lived in England, children in working class neighborhoods were forced by their parents to quit school at 15 or 16 in order to work. This was at the height of the Welfare State when financial necessity was no longer a legitimate reason. When I was growing up, in the '50s, racism was virulent and near universal, even, I'm ashamed to say, in my home state of Massachusetts. If interracial marriages, like mine, were voted on in 1968, the year we were married, the opponents of such marriages would have won by a landslide. It's hard to find anyone who admits to such objections today. To my mind, people who lived happily with Jim Crow could hardly be described as moral. What horrible damage was done to children who were openly called inferior in that time. What horrible damage is done to gay children who are openly called immoral or defective in this time. I think the verdict is still out on moral values.
On the subject of Non sequiturs, Do you think that the leap
from belief in God to the belief that the Bible is the unfiltered word of God is a Non sequitur? I sure do. This, of course, is also a loaded question.
Of course it's a loaded question. I never accused you of being stupid. I commend you for answering directly. Most conservative Christians fall all over themselves answering that question when they're not talking to the converted. I profoundly disagree with you because of my perception of the nature of consciousness and because it doesn't feel right to me. It's a subject I was getting into with Fr. Gearhart before I insulted him.
You said your best friend lived in the 'gay lifestyle'. Did you mean that as a pejorative? Did he have a life partner? If not then how would you feel about a straight man who chose not to marry and just 'played the field'? Is that equally wrong in your eyes? To me the closet is a dangerous place. It twists people and harms them. Look at the many conservative Christians who turned out to be gay, who had 'protested too much'. I agree with William Blake who said that 'love denied finds it's roots in deepest hell'. By the way, I'll never say anything I don't believe, either for the sake of argument or to spare someones feelings. I may occasionally choose silence. I haven't chosen anonymity on this site so there will always be things I cannot say. I do this to avoid hurting others, never to protect myself.
“Women have the ability now to walk away from bad marriages. Why else would the divorce rate be so high? It's not because of gay marriage or the decline of moral values.” You called the last sentence a Non sequitur. How can that be if it’s not intended to be proved by the preceding sentences.
I’m lost ... if “It's not because of gay marriage or the decline of moral values” is not to be taken as your conclusion then what are/were you trying to say?
“... discourage bad marriages. Doesn’t that act alone reduce the number of total marriages possible in any given population?”
Yes, but in reality I would say from our experience it’s less than 5% of the couples that decide not to marry.
“Should bad marriages go forward just to keep up the marriage percentage?”
If that were up to me the answer would be absolutely no.
“I apologize if my posts seem more angry than I intend them to be.”
Accepted and appreciated.
“Do you consider yourself to be Liberal or Progressive?”
Actually, neither. On the continuum of how do we live I would put myself on the conservative side. I’m decidedly attracted to things that have stood the test of time, as in centuries.
“I always say what I think. I don’t see the point of saying anything if I don’t believe it.”
When I was young I was just the same. It was only when I discovered that I hurt lots of people with what I said that I made some radical changes. The thought process of “walking in another’s shoes” colors much of what I say today. My best friend in life lived in the gay lifestyle. I don’t think I ever came to understand the why, but I saw alot. In any event he would frequently hold positions that I knew he didn’t believe in, but he would do it for the sake of “argument”. I found it infuriating at times, but our conversations were quite wide ranging and in depth. I miss him dearly.
“Do you believe that the man is the head of the family and the last authority, excepting God and the police, in family disputes?”
Do I detect a loaded question? My answer is yes, but not without a bit of fear and trembling. My wife is far brighter than I, but she told me many years ago that she would leave the final word in family disputes to me. The weight that goes along with that is not often easy to carry. We talk through most things and I value her perspective 99% of the time. I guess you could say I’m a happy man.
Jim said: “Perhaps I’ve sandbagged a bit from your comments on other topics at Mercatornet. I’m referring to the broad brush that is applied to what appears to be anyone coming from a Christian perspective. Blanket statements where the actions of a few, which I might consider “substantiated or not”, are attributed to the whole.”
Jim, I apologize if my posts seem more angry than I intend them to be. I don’t know anything about you. I know this is a conservative Christian site so I presuppose things about some of the people who post here. Tell me if I’m wrong. Do you consider yourself to be Liberal or Progressive? I always say what I think. I don’t see the point of saying anything if I don’t believe it. If you ask me a direct question I will answer it. Will you answer mine? Let’s try it. Do you believe that the man is the head of the family and the last authority, excepting God and the police, in family disputes?
Jim, I said: “Women have the ability now to walk away from bad marriages. Why else would the divorce rate be so high? It's not because of gay marriage or the decline of moral values.” You called the last sentence a Non sequitur. How can that be if it’s not intended to be proved by the preceding sentences. If you say ‘I believe in a supreme being, therefore the Bible is the unfiltered word of that supreme being’, now that’s a non sequitur.
I never cared what religious people thought until they decided to reenter the political fray. I lived in England during the 1975 resurgence of IRA bombings. I asked a fellow worker what the fight was about. He said 'Religion'. I started laughing. I thought he was pulling my leg. Boy was I naive. Look what's happened since.
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