Focus on sex education: protecting the heartThe only really 'safe' sex comes from learning how to love, and that takes character.
When we launched Protect Your Heart (Protege tu Corazon) in Colombia in 1993, our aim was to get young people to realise that love is not the same as having sex, and that "safe sex" is not safe -- especially for the heart. Protection is all about learning to love. The safe sex message confuses young people; they are uncertain about the meaning of their sexuality and become promiscuous. A young person cannot develop a healthy sexuality unless they first develop a solid character. And for this very personal task, youngsters need support. "Strong character, smart sexuality" is the motto of the program, which has been used in more than 200 educational institutions in the Americas, Italy and Spain and has reached 150,000 young people and parents. This month it will be presented at a congress in Manila in the Philippines, where it will also be adopted for wider use.
Our program aims at more than avoiding pregnancies or diseases. We mention also the potential intellectual, emotional and social consequences of sex lacking commitment, but we attempt something even more important, which is to help them to develop the capacity to love. That is why we focus on educating the emotions, which requires effort and brains, and offers better results. The youngsters are encouraged to learn how to harmonize their intelligence, their will and their feelings, so that their behaviour will turn out to be positive. Adolescents, by definition, are still maturing. The program recognizes their typical deficiencies and, with full respect for their freedom, shows how to overcome them. In this way the young person acquires strengths that make for a very attractive personality. One of the most important goals is getting them to think. Evaluations show that a significant percentage of young people change their attitude with respect to key concepts in the program. Some of the deficiencies and concepts worked over by the program follow. Teenagers lack proper self knowledge Who am I? What do I want to become? To understand the five dimensions of the human being -- physical, emotional, social, rational and transcendental -- leads them to have a better self image and also greater respect for others. They begin to understand the concept of human dignity, and they will even say, with a certain awe, "I had no idea that a human being was worth so much." They have trouble foreseeing consequences Adolescents are prone to make decisions and to act thoughtlessly, without anticipating possible consequences. They need help to make good decisions, using methods that lead them to discover what is best, and to do what is most appropriate in relation to their five dimensions, not only what is most pleasing. They crave acceptance The need to be accepted, together with their insecurity, makes them vulnerable to group pressure. Friends exert a powerful influence to drink, smoke, play hooky, have sex, quit school, cheat on an exam, wear indecent fashions, be cruel towards a classmate, lie, steal... They may behave like this just to be popular. So they have to recognize the threat of these pressures for their goals in life, and in this way be able to defend their own values and resist those pressures. They are impulsive Impulsiveness leads teens to seek immediate results over long term goals. For this reason, to educate their emotions involves not only self knowledge, but also the ability to unite head and heart, leading to better emotional balance and less dependency on influences that could damage their ideals. In their relationships with the others, this translates into empathy -- that is, being able to identify and understand the feelings of the others. They seek instant gratification "Don't deny yourself." "Enjoy the moment." These are the messages of advertising, songs, fashion, movies, the internet. Among youngsters, these are closely related to the awakening of sexual impulses, curiosity and peer pressure. The program offers arguments powerful enough to choose self control as the basis for any successful endeavour. Adolescents long to be loved and to love, and true love is one of their deepest challenges. To learn to deal with sexual emotions -- willingly and joyfully -- prepares them for that love. It is a question of delaying gratification for the sake of a longer lasting and more satisfying pleasure. They confuse loving with feeling Ask youngsters the meaning of love, they tend to answer, "Love is a very deep feeling that...". But love = feeling is a false equation that they pick up from the media and the environment in general, leading very often to wrong decisions and heartbreak later on. To counter this confusion is one of the important goals of Protect Your Heart. Youngsters are led to realize that to love is to seek the good of the other -- once again, in relation to each of their five dimensions -- overcoming difficulties along the way. Love is demonstrated by genuine concern for parents, siblings, friends, a girlfriend or boyfriend, acquaintances and others. To smile even when one is tired, to explain a homework problem to a friend, to keep grandmother company even when it means listening to the same anecdotes over and over, to share CDs or DVDs with siblings -- in all these, practice makes perfect. The equation then becomes: generosity + understanding + patience + care + feeling = love. In summary, Protect Your Heart helps adolescents to know themselves, to resist negative pressures and to accept the positive ones, to be assertive and to develop social skills. At the same time they learn to handle their emotions, to distinguish true love from infatuation and to avoid the potentially negative consequences of premarital sex. As character education specialist Thomas Lickona points out in his essay, The Neglected Heart, teenage sex often leads to feelings of having been used, low self esteem, ruined relationships and fear of future commitments. Given the right help, teenagers accept with greater enthusiasm the demands that build up their personality and they make better decisions. They are able to make a commitment to love and are better prepared to develop solid and lasting marriages leading to happy families. All of these qualities produce a stronger society, and in addition, have significant economic benefits. Those who have taught the program find that the young people not only are grateful for these ideas, but want to share them with their friends. They say that the program touches their lives, opening different horizons with opportunities to dream big. Parents are the key From surveys, the program has found out that 85 per cent of parents do not talk to their children about sex. That is why Protect Your Heart is equally aimed at parents, because when they are properly informed about the adolescent's world and talk to their children in a natural way, showing them the relationship between love and procreation, their influence becomes the best prevention of future problems. Youngsters really want to discuss these things with their parents so as not to make mistakes. Indeed, the vast majority of adults believe that they should talk to their children about sex, but they do not know what to say and how to bring up the subject. The majority of parents believe that their children are too young to know the truth about the origins of life, but they forget that the media is full of half truths and images. A recent study shows that adolescents between the ages of 12 and 19 years, are exposed to nine scenes of sex each hour in programs on some music channels. Protect Your Heart believes that, in these matters of life and love, it is better to arrive one year too early than a day too late. Parents are encouraged to bite the bullet: "You can talk to your child about this." "Don't delegate it!" "Don't allow someone else to replace you." "If you do it, it will be much better, given your knowledge and the strength of your love. You have something that nobody else can give them." Parents are thankful for the workshops, because they help them to realize their role as the primary educators in sexuality. They also start to understand their children better, develop communication bridges and learn how to exercise their authority in a constructive way. The reaction of the parents is highly positive. They typically end up saying, "I want more!" and, "Why don't you go and explain all this to my children?" or "Do you have a book that says all this very clearly, so that I can read it with my children?" In answer to these requests the program has begun to produce a series of books, the first of which is Surprise! A Great Gift Awaits You. On the basis of the past 14 years' experience, we are convinced that character education is the way to go. Protect Your Heart demonstrates that the optimal solution is precisely the one least promoted. And yet character education is not only possible, it is the one that gets results. Every civilization is built on this foundation, although we tend to forget it. Juan Francisco and María Luisa Vélez are the founders of Protege tu Corazon. They live in Mexico. |
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Sex education experts are all in the protection business, but that is where agreement ends. For many, it means reducing the harm connected with teenage sex by getting young people to use pills and condoms. For others, it means encouraging teens to abstain from sex altogether until the time comes for marriage.
Comments (15)
Marcella Coelho said...I will definatly pass this article around. As parents we have to focus on teaching our children exactly what love is. Our youth is so entertained, why should we harm them making them think that safe sex is safe. My children study here in a school that has adopted this program and when I asked my oldest if she was learning about how babies are born she responded:” No mommy I am learning about how to love”. She was 10 this October. It is worth looking in to this program for your children’s school.
Brazil | Friday, 2 November 2007 at 12:15 am
Juan Francisco de la Guardia Brin said...Thank you very much for this encouraging article. This kind of articles, remind me that the world is awaking from this pleasure centered nightmare we living, and begining to think more in the quality of the life our youngsters and the ways they are to be guided in order to make of them real free and mature persons .
PS: Who we need to contact in order to implement this program in Panama.
Panama | Friday, 2 November 2007 at 3:17 pm
Fr. Larry Gearhart said...What a beautiful focus.
United States | Sunday, 4 November 2007 at 7:27 am
Granny said...This sounds really good. All sex ed programs usurp a parent’s rights and doesn’t take into consideration “Latency"… and also modesty… so to focus on character and how to love is so right
-- | Sunday, 4 November 2007 at 1:37 pm
Fr. Juan R. Vélez said...Congratulations to Juan Franciso, María Luisa, and their colleagues (Ana Maragrita Moreno and others) for such a good program. Something very good from Colombia.
It is wonderful to read about educating one’s emotions by growing in virtue. This was an important theme of St. Josemaría Escrivá which undoubtedly inspired the founders of Protect Your Heart (Proteje tu Corazón).
I look forward to the development of this program in the US.
United States | Sunday, 4 November 2007 at 4:19 pm
Sr Joeyanna said...Dealing with teenagers and youth I often come across this query and confusion between how to keep the love without getting into sex. This article will definitely help parents, teachers, teenagers and youth to look at love from a new angle which is beyond just the body.
Congratulations to the author.
India | Sunday, 4 November 2007 at 6:52 pm
Chris said...It is a very big pleasure laying hand in this kind of article. Many adolecents are after personality formation rather than charater formation that actually builds Love foundation. I will send this article to my friends for them to know the full meaning of Love and how to develope it for proper family value formation.
Kudos to the author.
Nigeria | Sunday, 4 November 2007 at 9:57 pm
Michael said...This article is a timely reminder of the need for character development, not only amongst the young but even among parents. I teach in a high school and have seen what a lack of character development can do. Reading this article gives me more motivation to try and implement this type of program here.
Australia | Wednesday, 7 November 2007 at 8:44 pm
Pablo Vera said...First of all, congratulations to Juan Francisco and María Luisa, this program has worked very well in my kids school.
I would like to point out the role that we parents play in all this, it is not only important, but really necessary that we parents “hear” our kids. We usually talk a lot, but they have many things to say, so we must be there for them.
Eventhough we were once young, we have forgoten what it is to be an adolescent, so we must learn. This programs help parents also. They teach us how to deal with our kids in a timely fashion.
Mexico | Friday, 9 November 2007 at 12:00 am
Claudia Van den Ouweland said...Thank you for sharing this interesting article with us. As a new teen-age mother, I am always full of doubts and this article really helped me. Definitively it’s something to share.
Mexico | Friday, 9 November 2007 at 4:02 am
Santiago Cano said...Excuse my english, but let me tell you briefly what I think: I have never felt such inner peace and confidence in myself and my girlfriend, and since I started working with Protege Tu Corazon. That same love and emotional stability, I can see many teenagers I work with a year. Young people are not happy with what is happening in society and want to hear that it is worth fighting for true love. Our task is to show why it is worth waiting and working now, for the true love and this is the best work that a family man could have. I am happy to get married this year and know that we value both in the same way our sexuality! Goodbye and thank you very much! ¡Vale la pena esperar!!
Colombia | Friday, 9 November 2007 at 4:28 am
Barbara H. Wyman said...As the faculty sponsor of the pro-life/abstinence organization in a public university, I am fully and sadly aware of the pressure upon young men and women to have sex, especially during the college years. To the young people, it seems as though there is something wrong with them if they do not give away their virginity at the first possible chance. This is certainly what the culture teaches them—that “safe” sex is part of growing up. Why, the professors will tell them this!
The Velez’s article addresses all the results of this attitude. The truth is that most young people realize within their very soul, even as they deny it, that purity is good. The biggest help is for there to be a peer group of young people who can identify each other on campus and feel as though they are not alone. We have come up with the idea of a small combination lock, the type bought at any store. The students simply latch that on their backpack—a small but vivid emblem of chastity. They can see that lock across campus and feel they are not alone. Our organization is the largest on campus—young adults need encouragement, and structure. When it is given to them, they thrive.
This article will be passed out to the students at our next meeting. The students have been vigilant in keeping free condoms from our university. They are very proud of this accomplishment. Free condoms in the infirmary sends an evil message—and the students realize this. Encouragement, education, and support—all in the context of love—the article is spot on. Good work!
United States | Friday, 9 November 2007 at 6:42 am
Nati said...In fact, two years ago, the Program Protect Your Heart, went to my school. When I was in school I din’t imagine the importance of it. Nowadays, that I’m in College and I went out from the little world where I lived for about 14 years (my school was only for girls, that do believe in God and have strong values) I understood all what the team of Protect Your Heart had told us. Like a teenager I think that this message, should be teach by parents. The importance of the health of our heart, and the value that our feelings have, for most of people are kind of unknown.
I we really love our boy/girlfriend, we must know that love doesn’t need “love Proves” or that kind of manipulation that people use to use us. Love is not a word that let your boy/girlfriend USE u. All this things and all what I learn with the program has made mi relationship not only with my boyfriend, will all my friends in general better. Thanks for the program, Thanks You Carlos for being since this a Very special friend for me. Thanks for all what I’ve learned with You.
Ecuador | Friday, 9 November 2007 at 11:42 am
Mercedes Piacenza said...TURNING POINT
Time is certainly ripe for a turning point and we only must yield to it. We must bow our heads and trust the new generations to begin correcting what we did wrong, amending what we broke, repairing what we failed to set right, proclaiming what we failed to proclaim…and this is no other than Love is worth loving and living!
Love in our lives is worth every effort we dedicate to it. Love as the highest spiritual state we humans can enjoy is closer to happiness than any other worldly achievement we might justly seek in life. But Love like this, in capital letters. Not just any fake imitation of what our hearts secretly dream with!
All youngsters around the world know very well that this type of Love exists and that they have a right to it.Even if it meant working half of their lives towards it, it is better than what society, media or the greed of a few may offer them.
Not only do they know it very well, they long for it , they are prepared to go for it. Somewhere in their hearts is the promise of everlasting couples, children crowded dinner tables, fun at daylight and sincere friendships…
And it is from within their own hearts that we will see this force come. A force strong enough to deviate the oceans, set a new course in human relationships and help establish, little by little, the old familiar horizons ruled by peace, harmony and respect among human beings.
PROTECT YOUR HEART is a program that has envisioned this force.We humbly bow our heads and the program empowers young people to go for this goal.We help them see the ropes, they have all the tools !!. We trust them, they trust their hearts!!
All they need to create this turning point is in them: high ideals, enthusiasm, values, self esteem, intelligence and above all …the certainty that they want a change and that their hearts deserve it!!
(from my experience working for the Program in Argentina, Italy and UK)
Argentina | Thursday, 15 November 2007 at 10:54 am
Alejandro Vélez said...An adolescent who lacks character becomes an adult afraid of commitment. That’s what I have seen. Today’s values in society promote exactly the opposite to a strong personality. I believe Protege tu Corazón, among with other programs focused on helping young people build a strong character, are a great contribution to society and should be encouraged. Congratulations to PTC for all their accomplishements, and good luck in all the new projects!
Spain | Thursday, 22 November 2007 at 9:49 pm
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