Kevin Ryan | Friday, 21 January 2011
tags : education, motherhood, parenting

How do you say, “You want fries with that?” in Mandarin?

Worries about American parenting are fuelled by a faltering economy.



 

A new child-raising rage is off and running. No. Off and soaring. In the ten days since the publication of Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother newspapers and talk radio have become obsessed with the Chinese Mother (CM) approach to getting our children ready to do battle out there in the dangerous world.

The prophet of this new approach is a Chinese-American mother of two apparently accomplished teenage daughters. She is also a Yale University law professor. Her method boils down to all-work-and-no-play-makes-Jack-and-Jill Ivy League shoo-ins. Forget dull! Operationally, the CM Method means a parental full-court attack on the prevailing world of childhood. For instance, in the CM Method, children are allowed no TV, no videogames, no sleepovers, no playdates, no school grades below A, no frothy deviations, like being in a school play or on a sports team. On the other hand, they must play either the piano or violin, and practice a minimum of three hours a day without complaint.

Amy Chua’s method is based on a number of core differences with our Western style of child rising. First, Western mothers (WMs) have been seduced by the self-esteem movement. On the other hand, CMs only care about accomplishments. Second, WMs believe their job is to uncover their child’s hidden talents. CMs believe in study-study, practice-practice. Third, WMs want their children to be free and autonomous adults. CMs believe in their own authority and that children owe them a debt and must be prepared to repay it later on. Fourth, WMs are present-oriented and want happy, independent children. CMs are future-oriented and want discipline and tangible achievements now!

The fact that Professor Chua’s book has rocketed up the best-seller list and her approach has become the talk of talk radio says more about the current way we in the West are raising our children than about the value of her method. Particularly in the US, which has been the great Dewey-eyed apostle of child-centred education, there has been a growing realization that we are on the wrong course. The alarm bells have been sounding for two or three decades, as one set after another of scores on international assessment test of math and science have revealed

American students to be mediocre or worse. Then there is US youth’s world leadership in out-of-wedlock birth rate and the rate of STD infection, in obesity, anorexia, drug and video-game addictions, cheating and in what will surely be tomorrow’s unpleasant revelation.

The handwringing about American kids has been going on for some time, however. What has caused the CM approach to touch the parental nerve is the US’s uncertain economy and the worry that American children will soon be working for the Chinese. (How do you say, “Fries with that?” in Mandarin?) It is rather doubtful that if a Hispanic woman had written Battle Hymn of the Mexican Madre, it would have a similar impact.  

We will have to wait to see whether the CM phenomenon will have a lasting impact on Western children raising practices. Clearly, though, Professor Chua’s message challenges current practices and surfaces several questions. Is she correct that self-discipline, which is at the heart of her method, is a better predictor of success than IQ? Are Western children getting too much of a diet of escapist pleasure in the form of movies and television? Are our schools making serious demands on their time and energies? Is the prevailing method of early freedom of choice and stress on individuality in children’s long-term best interest?  

One other quite uncomfortable and politically incorrect question which the CM method raises is, “Can one be a part-time mom or dad?” This is particularly focused on what has been a 50-year social experiment in the US of the working wife and mother: “Can she have it all?”

Although Amy Chua seems to be able to be a very hands-on parent and have a successful career, does child-raising in the modern world require a level of supervision and attention that few career-oriented, Western families are ready to give?

Kevin Ryan founded the Center for the Advancement of Ethics and Character at Boston University, where he is professor emeritus. He has written and edited 20 books. He has appeared on CBS's "This Morning", ABC's "Good Morning America", "The O’Reilly Factor", CNN and the Public Broadcasting System speaking on character education. He can be reached at kryan@bu.edu.

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