The Kardashian wedding of her dreams comes tumbling down
by Michael Cook | August 31, 2018
To be perfectly honest, we cannot vouch for the authenticity of this story. It purportedly appeared on the Facebook page of a Canadian woman named Susan, which has since been deleted. But it has appeared on major news sites and the fact-checking site Snopes says that its status remains “unproven”.
True or not, it is a hilarious lesson in how consumerism ruins relationships – especially in marriage. It has been slightly edited.
It comes with great sadness that I am announcing the cancellation of the XXXX Wedding. I apologize for cancelling only 4 days beforehand. Unfortunately, XXXX and I have broken up due to some recent and irreparable problems. We have decided to end our relationship and not go forth with any future proceedings. However, we are remaining civil and are still a team for our son. After hours of tears, mental exhaustion, and even disassociation, I have come to this decision.
In one hour after posting this status, I am going to delete my Facebook. Social media has caused me only paranoia and toxicity. I will be spending these next two months backpacking in South America, exploring my soul and ridding myself of toxic energy brought on by my friends and family-- the ones who I thought could trust the most.
Hence, I will be out of the country for all of October and November. Please don't contact me. When I'm ready, I may make a new Facebook and add friends/family that haven't f***ing stabbed me in the back.
How did this all come crashing down? Well, I invite you all on Facebook-- players, bystanders, and side characters of the people in my life-- to take a seat and listen. You're all involved somehow, somehow everyone is wrapped into this mess. Even if you weren't invited to my wedding, I don't care. You might hear of the drama and I'd rather you hear it from me.
I'm not asking for sympathy. I just want to tell my story. Before I begin this mini novel, I invite all of you (including the ***** who have ruined my marriage and life) to put yourselves in my shoes. For once, let me take the stage and let me voice the most painful few months of my life.
First, things were a fairy tale. I met the love of my life at 14. We were both young but somehow we just knew we were meant to be. We worked on my family's farm together and with each warm summer spent in the fields our love grew deeper and deeper. Fast forward to high school. We went strong all 4 years. He put a ring on my finger when I was 18, worth nearly 5k. We'd put everything on the line for each other--everything. We both chose to attend the same community college and work full time in order to build our dream. We spent most of our days by each other's sides. I will always be thankful for that.
Fast forward a few years, I was 20. I realized I was pregnant with my first. We were elated, tearful, and thankful to God for this gift. After giving birth to Declyn, I knew the next step would be to focus on my career and become financially stable. My Ex did the same. We saved and saved. I was in love, I was happy, and I was looking forward to life. We continued working and even got our degree. It was hard, yes, but so blissfully worth it. We managed to save up nearly $15k for a wedding.
Since our love was like a fairy tale, we wanted an extravagant blow out wedding, one where our son could be included. We started touring venues and were torn between two. A local psychic told us to go with the more expensive option, and we thought why the hell not? We just needed a little push. Our dream wedding amounted to 60k-- all included with flights to Aruba. All we asked was for a little help from our friends and family to make it happen.
I SPECIFICALLY, I mean, SPECIFICALLY asked for cash gifts. How could we have OUR wedding that WE dreamed of without proper funding? We'd sacrificed so much and only asked each guest for around $1,500. We talked to a few people who even promised us more to make our dream come true. My maid of honor (who shall not be named) pledged $5,000 along with her planning services. We tearfully thanked and accepted. My ex's family offered to contribute $3,000.
So our request for $1500 for all other guests was not f***ing out of the ordinary. Like, we made it CLEAR. If you couldn't contribute, you weren't invited to our exclusive wedding. It's a once and a lifetime party. So, we sent out RSVP's and only 8 people replied and sent us the check. We were f***ing livid. How was this supposed to happen without a little help from our friends? To make matters worse, my ex's family took back their offer. Suddenly, more people backed out, INCLUDING THE **** MAID OF HONOR. MY BEST FRIEND SINCE CHILDHOOD. MY SECOND FAMILY. I was so shocked and tearful. To make matters worse, it was only a month before the wedding. To cancel everything would have been more than $5k.
Desperately, we resent our invites and asked people to donate what they could. I mean seriously, people, what is $1,000? What is $1500? Clearly, not a lot. It would be quite manageable and within budget. I've heard of people asking for worse. We also set up a go fund me. That only got us $250. At this point we were exhausted, tired. I yelled at my ex; I became unraveled. I realized my dream wedding was becoming a nightmare.
Then it got worse.
My ex came into the room and offered to get a Vegas wedding done. I laughed in his face, but he was dead serious. He wanted those cheap, raggedy, filthy, like Vegas weddings. I mean WHAT the F***?? Was he out of his mind? Am I some f***ing piece of f***ing trash, a hooker? Am I supposed to like the idea of getting married in the heart of shady gamblers, alcoholics, and the get rich fast fallacy? Suddenly, my body began to shake as I entered a panic attack. My ex left the room and didn't apologize for his horrid suggestion.
I then called my maid of honor and cried my eyes out. Instead of sympathy, I was told that I was asking for way too much and I should stick to my budget. I mean... no words can describe. How could someone who offered me THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS then deny me MY promised money and then tell me to shift down my budget???? She KNOWS my DREAM was a blowout wedding. I just wanted to be a Kardashian for a day and then live my life like normal. I called her a filthy poor excuse of a friend, and hung up. Then she blocked me off all social media.
Rumors swirled. I received anonymous threats. My ex stayed out later and later and I have a feeling he even cheated. My bridesmaids climbed on the boat with my maid of honor and dissed me. They essentially told me I was crazy. They asked for their deposit back...so I said F*** YOU. I refuse to give it back until they can pay me back for their emotional distress. My ex started to talk to my maid of honor and gossip about me behind my back. I overheard him talking in the basement when he called me a stuck up *****.
Anyway. I am exhausted. I am bone tired. My heart is not the same. Its stone cold. Fragmented. Empty. I need to get away from this awful society. How hard would it to have been to f***ing donate, friends? Do I matter to you? Just f***ing give me money for my wedding. I won't even sugarcoat. I won't even pretend that's not what I wanted. It was for a dream. I was stabbed, cheated on, and Wrk’d.
Goodbye. See you in two months.
Friendly reminder to you *****. Don't think you own me. I am cutting all of you snakes off. I am living my life alone now. I only let in those I believe have good intentions.
Michael Cook is editor of MercatorNet