The last time homosexuality was directly related to acts of mass meteorological destruction was at Sodom and Gomorrah. Today, it’s quite the reverse. In Anno Domini 2024, far from queers causing natural disasters, they have now somehow become the only viable means of preventing them … or at least so certain of their more extreme and deluded number have recently started to say. After the CO₂-fuelled rainshower, there always comes the healing gay rainbow, supposedly.   

Homosexuals do manage to hold some very strange positions these days, on public policy as well as in certain other respects. I recently wrote a piece elsewhere about pending global population decline, in which I mentioned a writer named G. Roger Denson, who honestly thought human homosexuality was Nature’s automatic climate self-defence mechanism against looming catastrophe. The more CO₂ in the atmosphere, the more gays were born, he theorised, meaning fewer babies in the next generation, anal impregnation being by definition impossible, thus lessening subsequent global overpollution from overpopulation. Denson produced the following Shakespearean-tinged meme by way of an actual illustrative policy suggestion: 

I choose “not to gay”, thanks. Some people say “global boiling” is an imaginary problem. Not as imaginary as some of the proposed solutions to it.

Queering our sphere

It should go without saying that homosexuality has absolutely Net Zero to do with climate science. It should go without saying, but certain of the more militantly identitarian queers out there appear determined to make absolutely everything about queerness (or, more accurately, about themselves) these days. Ordinary, mentally normal homosexuals must shake their heads in despair at these zealots, in fear of being tarred with the same loony brush.

Sadly, these people are no longer just lone fringe nuts, but have systematically infiltrated many of the West’s (formerly) respectable political, academic, and scientific institutions, a case in point being the International Institute for Environment and Development think-tank. A characteristically stupid gay-pandering piece on the IIED website, “Queering Climate Justice”, argues that “colonialism and capitalism” are the true main driving forces behind the allegedly unfolding  CO₂-fuelled destruction of our planet, Communism clearly having an impeccable past record when it comes to environmental matters, as at Chernobyl.

Yet for today’s intersectional, gay-worshipping left, these very same twin evils, “colonialism and capitalism”, are precisely the same ideological opponents who have oppressed queers down the years too. Thus, from an intersectional perspective, the idea of climate justice emerges to the IIED as “a logical extension of … advocacy for sexual and [trans]gender rights”.

“Queerness”, in a contemporary Critical Theory academic sense, does not merely denote gayness or lesbianism, but non-normativity in a general fashion – queer stands to straight as sick stands to healthy, as irrational stands to rational, as insane stands to sane, as oppressed stands to oppressor, as abnormal stands to normal.

Considered in this analogical light, perhaps you could even say solar-, tide- and wind-power act as figuratively “queer” forms of energy-generation in comparison to traditional “straight” fossil fuels, innovatively uranian alternatives to the usual way of doing things that should now be celebrated, not neglected and suppressed? Some leading queer brains certainly think so. According to the IIED, “There is no Pride on a dead planet” – one of the few positive consequences of global climate apocalypse, one may have thought.

The IIED put it thus: “Queer theory challenges norms around gender, identity and sexuality. It challenges concepts of what is ‘normal’ within our identities and what is ‘normal’ within society.  It challenges economic models and accepted forms of knowledge in society such as capitalism and colonisation so often embedded in Global North thinking and practice.”

So, there you have it: wind-turbines are gay. Talk about tilting at windmills.

Friends of the Earth, or Friends of Dorothy?

The basic idea of Green queers like these seems to be that, being born homosexual, there is something inherently abnormal about their brains – but this abnormality is a fine and wonderful thing, which all ordinary people should envy, as it immediately renders gays mentally superior to poor normie-brained hetero folx, especially when it comes to devising innovative solutions to global warming.

Observe the following extract from an essay on the Friends of the Earth website, entitled “Six Reasons Why I’m Calling For a Queer Climate Movement” by a big Green activist rubbish-recycling machine called Lewis Carr. With “Friends” like Lewis, does the Earth need any enemies?

“Growing up queer, I was forced to confront the reality that I was different. I wasn’t the same as my friends, and I wasn’t what my parents, my church and my society expected of me … The experience left its mark on my mental health, but growing up queer also helped me look at the world differently. I realised it wasn’t designed for people like me, so I learned to question the status quo and create a world of my own. Anyone who’s felt on the fringes might be more conditioned to critique what’s around them … Queer thinking … can also be helpful in challenging social and environmental injustice. If you’ve never really felt like an outsider, you might take things for granted. You might not see the interconnected problems and solutions, or even think change is possible. Queerness offers a much-needed fresh perspective.”

You know how, suddenly, pink historians now tell us the real “reason” why the autistic homosexual British mathematician Alan Turing helped win WWII with his code-breaking exploits is no longer because he happened by chance to have been born with an unusually brilliant brain, but in fact because he happened to be born bent? (“It is clear that Alan's mind had been permanently sharpened by his experience with homosexual love,” says one homo-historian.) This allegedly demonstrates how queer thinking is now properly best reconceived as an amazing new tool for magical, fascism-defeating and CO₂-dispelling world-transformation, because gays somehow now have quasi-magical new cognitive powers to see things the rest of us, tragically born without the requisite Queer Eye, cannot.  

Mother Nature’s son

Loving flowers, ribbons and sewing as they do, gays are also traditionally thought more feminine than straight males, and feminism and matriarchy stand as being analogously queer towards masculinity and patriarchy, allowing Suspiciously Close Friend of the Earth Lewis Carr to argue thus:

“A recent study revealed that men are less likely to recycle because they’re worried people will think they’re gay. [Depends what they’re seen recycling] They also tend to have higher carbon footprints. Basically, looking after the planet is still seen as a ‘feminine’ thing to do … Consider the values, beliefs and behaviours tied to ‘masculinity’ that are destroying our planet or blocking change. Competition, independence and assertiveness can lead to exploitation of resources, corporate greed and unchecked political power. But what if our societies openly valued what’s seen as ‘feminine’: compassion, care, co-operation? And not just at home but deeply embedded in public life, in politics, in business, in our work? … Queer people’s existence already disrupts the gender binary and the restrictive roles it imposes on us. Being a queer environmental movement means standing alongside feminism, and any efforts to dismantle the patriarchy and redefine these roles. Just imagine the doors that could unlock for us all.”

Yes, just imagine! You’ll have to just imagine it, though, because it’s all complete nonsense.

According to Carr, queers can somehow cognitively access higher stores of supposedly “feminine” logic (here, dubiously and patronisingly redefined as being innately irrational or communistic in nature) forbidden to the average heterosexual: higher stores of feminine logic which, for example, allow gays somehow to perceive that wind-farms work, and that closing down all the gas- and coal-fired power plants will have no negative consequences for the future security of Western power supplies whatsoever.

From this, I can only conclude that mainstream Green-obsessed Western politicians must be gay  – because, unlike sensible engineers and energy-experts, they can somehow see that the pathetic little gay windmills they keep on building will be able magically to achieve Net Zero for us all by 2030 rather than, for example, leading to inevitable blackouts as disgustingly heterosexual-minded dissenters may homophobically presume to perceive.

The gay science

It is easy today to find climate-based gay groups online, such as the New York-based Queering Climate Club, whose website carries headlines like “What if climate action was rooted in queer action?”. The answer to which, I think, is “It wouldn’t work” – a variation of Betteridge’s Law, perhaps (just a little in-joke for one of Mercator’s regular readers, there). How, precisely, does the QCC try to “queer climate”, though? How can this possibly be done? It can’t, so they just settle for producing sad little artworks like these:

If you do attend the above advertised conference, what activities will you be able to get up to with fellow guests (apart from the obvious)? The QCC offer up the prospect of something called “Rad collabs”, defined as follows: “We contribute to radical collaborations so people can ‘get shit done’ as we advance our vision of a climate-resilient, just future for all.” How conveniently non-specific. If being gay can somehow enable you to solve climate-change, then I think it is reasonable enough for all the straight scientific Untermenschen out there to demand to know precisely how. Come on, tell us! And yet, for some inexplicable reason, these maniacs never actually do.

About the best they can ever actually manage is throw the question right back at us and ask other people to do all the work for them instead:  

Again, the QCC are just setting themselves up for an easy sarcastic answer here: “ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!” Well, you did ask me to “tell us what you think”.

About the most precise and specific answer as to how homosexuals can help save the planet I could discover came from a 2024 Climate Policy Lab report into how to best hold an eco-friendly gay parade. How about just not holding one at all? Zero emissions, problem solved. The CPL preferred to recommend parade-goers instead try recycling on-site and hold back on turning up with single-use plastic products, such as “plastic beads, flags, and other small items”.

To be fair, the CPL do provide some perfectly sound and sensible advice here, but sound and sensible is no longer enough. The pretence that queers have innately superior-wired brains has at all costs to be maintained, so rather than just saying “cut back on the plastic and put your rubbish in recycling bins, fellow homos,” they have to produce highly technical (and absolutely fabulous!) diagrams like the following:  

 A mere hetero mind could NEVER draw that!