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Learning not to vilify: when pro-life folks and pro-choice folks sat down and talked
July 31, 2024
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In 1994, tragedy struck when a gunman walked into two Massachusetts abortion facilities and opened fire, killing two staff members and injuring five people. This gunman, John Salvi, had a history of mental illness and was found guilty of murder and sentenced to life in prison. He took his own life less than two years later.
But, as God often does, He helped create something positive from something terrible. Six women, determined to work to put an end to the violence, began meeting in a windowless basement. They were only supposed to meet four times; they met for nearly six years.
Now, in a six-part docuseries entitled The Basement Talks created by Matters Media, you can witness their inspirational story and learn not only what happened in that basement but what happened in their hearts. You see, these women were not friends. In fact, some would say they were “enemies,” as they worked and volunteered on different sides of the abortion debate.
Rev. Anne Fowler is an Episcopal priest who served on the board of directors of Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts and on the board of the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice. Madeline McComish is a past president of Massachusetts Citizens for Life. Nicki Nichols Gamble is a former president of Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts. Barbara Thorp is a former director of the Catholic Archdiocese of Boston Pro-Life Office and has served on several boards. Melissa Kogut is a former executive director of NARAL Pro-Choice MA. And Frances Hogan is an accomplished legal professional who has served in numerous pro-life leadership roles.
Together, these brave women did what some would consider unthinkable. They not only talked, but they listened to each other.
Mutual respect
I had the privilege of chatting with Frances Hogan, Melissa Kogut, and with Josh Sabey, who with his wife directed The Basement Talks. During our hour-long conversation, I came to understand how these women developed a friendship that has lasted over two decades. It comes down to respect.
Were the women nervous about meeting? Of course. They met in a windowless basement because they feared intrusion and judgment from people on both sides. They knew they could not accomplish their goal if the outside world directed its vitriol at what they were attempting to do.
And what they were attempting to do was foster civility in dialogue, create understanding, and diffuse the hate that had become so prevalent.
Once they began to meet and talk, they felt more at ease. Melissa shared that the women would start every meeting with a meal — an act she said was “humanising”. She explained that it meant a lot to her to know that the pro-life women respected her as a person, even if they did not agree with her views.
Our country desperately needed this civil dialogue then, and it still needs it today. The good generated from the talks certainly had a ripple effect in Massachusetts, where all the women lived. But their story must prompt a greater attempt at dialogue, and it must come at the national level as well.
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Right now, the world needs strong and moral leaders — those who see the value in everyone and who aren’t afraid to shut down the angry talk, the name-calling, and the violence. As Josh explained, “You don’t have to deal with the issue when you just call people names.” At that point, it just becomes an “unsolvable issue”, and no progress is ever made.
When people actually listen to each other, their perspective changes. As the women found, that doesn’t mean that people’s opinions will change. In fact, none of the women changed their position on abortion. But what did change was the way they talked to and about people on the other side, especially in public. Their language became gentler, more tempered, and less disparaging. They grew in understanding of the other point of view. They saw the other side as human beings rather than as enemies.
As Melissa said, it’s “easy to vilify the other person,” but if you sit down with them, talk to them, and break bread with them, you see their humanity.
Civil discourse
The Basement Talks serves as a wake-up call to today’s society, which seems to be overrun with anger, violence, and hatred. Each episode teaches us valuable lessons about how to treat others and about how people want and deserve to be treated.
After my conversation with Fran, Melissa, and Josh, I felt invigorated and excited. I walked away with hope. Those are feelings you never get after an angry argument where people attack each other.
So how do we temper the anger of today? It is up to all of us to effect change — on both the local and national levels. Fran explained that “better modelling needs to occur” at the national level because politicians are guilty of this name-calling too. And Melissa articulated that there needs to be a nationwide “commitment to civil society” and that dialogue “won’t work unless people see the value in it.” Respect and civility, she said, “need to be values that all people hold.”
Josh explained that The Basement Talks is a great tool for leaders who need concrete proof that civil discourse can be achieved and that good can come from it. But the lessons we learn in The Basement Talks aren’t just for leaders in politics or in actual leadership positions. We all have the responsibility to be leaders within our own lives — in our homes, in our workplaces, and in our communities.
The last episode addresses the violence we see today. Through chilling footage of aggression and anger, we see how polarised our society has become. The episode features Amy Chua, a Yale law professor, who explained that “when groups feel threatened... they retreat into tribalism and become more insular, more defensive, and more us versus them.”
We see that in cities across America today, and it seems to be getting worse. We are all human beings, yet many of us treat the “other side” as enemies. The truth is, when we do that, our one true enemy rejoices.
St Ephraim of Syria once said, “Blessed be the one who loves good and fair words and hates base and destructive speech, because he will not become a prisoner of the Evil One.”
As a society, we must collectively work to stop the anger and the hatred. If we want peace, we must foster peace.
Melissa shared her feelings about the series, saying that she hopes “when people see this that they will look for opportunities in their lives to make [the dialogue] happen.” Let us heed her words and do our part to show respect for others by talking and really listening, for as Fran said, “Every human life is sacred, no matter what, and we respect every single human life without exception.”
Watch The Basement Talks on Prime Video, Apple TV, and Google Play.
Do you think it is possible to replicate this peacemaking initiative throughout society? Leave your thoughts below.
This article has been republished with permission from Celebrate Life Magazine.
Susan Ciancio is the editor of Celebrate Life Magazine and executive editor for the Culture of Life Studies Program.
Image credit: Pexels
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David Page commented 2024-08-05 09:48:15 +1000As an example, one of my conservative friends said he didn’t like being called racist. My response was that we were all raised to racism. It was in the air that we breathed. I told him that even in my somewhat unique situation, being in an interracial marriage, it would be arrogant of me to claim that I had purged all racism from myself. Of course you are racist, I told him, and so am I. We seemed to have a meeting of the minds. -
David Page commented 2024-08-05 09:20:04 +1000Well I’m glad that happened in Massachusetts. We need to talk to each other. Not just on abortion, but on a host of issues. I have just as many conservative friends as liberal friends. And, yes, I’m patting myself on the back. Oddly, I trust my conservative friends more because their friendship transcends politics. I have often thought that if you have no friends who disagree with you then you have no friends. Many people don’t believe that. My thought is that they don’t understand friendship.
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Michael Cook followed this page 2024-07-31 14:47:09 +1000
