The case for a statue of Dictator Dan

February 13, 2025 7 Reactions

Victoria’s 48th Premier, Dan Andrews, is about to be immortalised by a bronze statue that will stand at 1 Treasury Place in the Melbourne CBD alongside four other former state leaders.

Mr Andrews, who infamously plunged Melbourne into the longest Covid lockdown on Planet Earth — a record 262 days — abruptly quit politics with little explanation in late 2023 after 3,219 days in the job.

Before you sneer at the plan to immortalise Mr Andrews, there may be a rational explanation for this absurd move. Premier Jeff Kennett, a polar opposite to Andrews, decreed that premiers who served more than 3,000 days deserved a bronze statue. So far there are four: Sir Albert Dunstan (1935 to 1945, Sir Henry Bolte (1955 to 1972), (Rupert Hamer (1972 to 1981, and John Cain Jr (1982 to 1990). Poor old Jeff missed out.

But Daniel Andrews? The guy with jug ears and a North Face jacket? That Dan?

Public backlash to the planned sculpture, which comes with an estimated price tag of A$100,000, has been swift and vehement.

However, in my view, much of the criticism is short-sighted.

As we consider the various arguments raised against casting Mr Andrews in enduring effigy, I think you’ll agree the proposed statue will prove a fitting emblem of his legacy.

“The project has been given the green light by the Labor-run state government despite Victoria facing a crippling budget crunch amid a ballooning debt crisis,” the Daily Maileditorialised this week.

That may be so. But what better reminder could there be of a leader who increased Victoria’s public sector payroll by 70 percent, forfeited the state’s coveted AAA credit rating, and quadrupled Victoria’s gross debt than a memorial Victorians can’t afford?

Meanwhile, senior opposition spokesperson Brad Rowswell has complained that Labor plans to “push on with an obelisk to their former dear leader” despite the cost of living for Victorians being “through the roof”.

“How out of touch can this mob be?” Mr Rowswell scoffed this week.

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Yet an out-of-touch monument is the perfect tribute to an out-of-touch premier who locked families inside their homes and apartments, barred children from playgrounds, set arbitrary curfews and movement limits, and gave police powers to shoot dissident protesters with rubber bullets and arrest pregnant women for social media posts.

Other critics have complained that, due to Mr Andrews’ polarising leadership, the statue will likely be endlessly vandalised, causing a major maintenance headache.

But perhaps a public monument upon which citizens can unleash their pent-up trauma would be precisely the cathartic relief Victorians need.

One might even imagine such therapy would enjoy the approval of Mr Andrews himself, who has since (unironically?) pursued a career change as chair of a mental health trust.

In other news, prominent business leaders like Rob Angel have warned that the erection of an Andrews sculpture could be “the last straw” for him and other companies considering moving out of state.

“Our crippling debt for generations will be sufficient a reminder of Andrews’ premiership. We don’t need a statue,” Mr Angel told Daily Mail.

Yet arguably, a monument that precipitates a mass exodus from the state is the perfect testament to a premier who oversaw the flight of 45,000 residents from Victoria thanks to his Covid-era policies.

Maybe we should take into account what Victorians more broadly think. What do the polls say?

According to a recent Herald Sun survey, 95 percent of readers stand opposed to a Dan Andrews bust, with participants variously labelling the proposal “an absolute insult to all Victorians”, “a slap in the face”, and “triggering”.

But isn’t that true of all glorious leaders? History hasn’t been particularly kind to Mao Zedong, Hirohito or Kim Jong-il, but they all got their statues. It would be unfair to deprive Dictator Dan of his just desserts.

Come on Victoria, assemble the alloy autocrat! Tilt up the tin tyrant! Preserve the punisherin perpetuity!

We promise we won’t laugh too hard.

Forward this article to your friends.

Kurt Mahlburg is a writer and author, and an emerging Australian voice on culture and the Christian faith. He has a passion for both the philosophical and the personal, drawing on his background as a graduate architect, a primary school teacher, a missionary, and a young adult pastor.

Image credit: Cartoon by Brian Doyle

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Emberson Fedders commented 2025-02-14 11:27:42 +1100

It’s common usage in the right-wing hysterical media world. Not so much anywhere else.

Mr Cook, that’s true about my misuse of grammar!
Janet Grevillea commented 2025-02-14 10:17:46 +1100

Mr Mouse ‘Dictator Dan’ is in common usage in Australia. It is not Kurt’s original label.
Michael Cook commented 2025-02-14 09:15:40 +1100

I’ll let the comments about Mr Andrews pass, but I am very distressed by an error of usage: "less than 10,000 people " should be “fewer than 10,000 people”. Less than is used for indefinite quantities ~~- less common sense, less acquaintance with the facts, etc. Fewer than is used for countable items -~~ fewer Premiers, fewer statistics, fewer facts …

It’s not a hanging offence, of course, but I am always keen to share edifying knowledge about grammar.
Anon Emouse commented 2025-02-13 23:21:46 +1100

Given Kurt’s full-throated fondness for Donald, not exactly going to believe him when he calls someone else a “dictator”
Paul Bunyan commented 2025-02-13 18:37:05 +1100

Great point, Emberson. Conservatives love to moan about “liberal snowflakes,” but whine about basic, common-sense gun regulations.

Vaccines eliminated smallpox and made polio largely a thing of the past.

But I guess that doesn’t matter to them.

I’m not surprised. Conservatives love writing articles and cheerleading for homeschooling, despite the proven abuse and neglect inherent in such an “education” system.
Emberson Fedders commented 2025-02-13 16:20:00 +1100

Kurt lives in America, so his whining from across the Pacific seems particularly irrelevant.

Additionally, less than 10,000 people died of Covid in Victoria. Think of all the parents, aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandparents who are still alive today because of Andrews’ actions.

No doubt that’s how he’ll be remembered. Mahlburg is one of those snowflakes who moaned endlessly about taking a hit for the benefit of the larger population. If he’d been in London during the Blitz, he would have been complaining about blackouts because “Why should I have to sit in darkness? It’s infringing on my liberty!”
Kurt Mahlburg published this page in The Latest 2025-02-13 15:48:27 +1100

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